These Chicken Pot Pie Nuggets Are Pretty Good, All Things Considered, I Guess

If insights and thoughtfulness are what you’re looking for then, babycakes, you’ve come to the wrong place, because we’re strictly here to talk Chicken Pot Pie Nuggets.

Wow, I have been so excited to try these frozen Pilgrim’s Chicken Pot Pie Loaded Nuggets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, not excited enough to have bothered cooking them any time in the past 4 months, which is roughly how long this unopened bag has been nestled in between the mystery aluminium foil packages in my freezer.

(What’s in those and where did they come from, btw? If only there was some way to find out!)

But I was excited about these Chicken Pot Pie Nuggets in a different, more abstract way. It’s that type of excitement where it’s less about genuine enthusiasm and more about acknowledging that it does indeed exist.

I’m excited about the movie “The Departed,” which I’ll never watch, but I’m happy for Leonardo DiCaprio, who I think is in it!!!!! I’m looking forward to this work meeting, even though I’ll have crushing anxiety before, during and after it, and would frankly rather be anywhere else on earth!!!!

Now, if this was a different sort of Substack, I’d use this space to get really thoughtful and insightful about this. I’d dig deep and ask us both the hard questions - what does being excited even mean? For that matter, what does being human even mean? And maybe, together, we’d even start to figure it out.

But if insights and thoughtfulness are what you’re looking for then, babycakes, you’ve come to the wrong place, because we’re strictly here to talk Chicken Pot Pie Nuggets.

Let’s dive in.

Taste: ⅘

I’m a lot of things in this world. A Midwesterner! A writer! A 3rd grade Spelling Bee Runner-Up Champion! (I lost on the word “treasure” which I still think should have an “sh” in it somewhere!)

But what I’m not is a Chicken Pot Pie Enthusiast. And I won’t be apologizing for that.

I know there’s a lot of Pot Pie Heads out in this world, and I’m genuinely happy for all of you. I love your dedication, your enthusiasm, the fact that you’ll stay up all night waiting on the new drop of the trendiest pot pie. (Not to mention the resale market!) But they’re just not for me.

I thought it might be funny to make a fake pot pie t-shirt on Canva and now I’m really second guessing that instinct, but we’re too far in deep now.

That being said, these chicken pot pie loaded nuggets are pretty good!

I mean, they’re simultaneously dry but also squished full of thick gravy, like some sort of hot, hearty Gusher.

(Hot, Hearty Gusher would be a good improv team name, should we book a show?!)

And the little chips of carrots and peas inside do sort of make me feel like a dog taking its heartworm medication that’s been wrapped in a piece of salami.

But as someone who has once (attempted) to eat Aldi brand Lobster Mac and Cheese, these are actually edible, which is an automatic 4 stars around here.

Appearance: ⅗

You know that one book for kids and/or pre-teens? The one that’s about how your looks aren’t important…because it’s actually what’s inside that counts?

(Just kidding, that’s all of them.)

(Except for my beloved Sweet Valley Unicorn Club books, which—if I remember correctly—were mostly just about how fun it was to be hot, rich and popular.)

Well, the inside of these aren’t great either. These pot pie nuggets look less like an edible food and more like a paper mache replica of one.

But the sun is shining, my cat hasn’t bitten me today (yet!) and I’m in a great mood—so 3 stars it is!

Overall: 3.5/5!

Look, are these frozen pot pie chicken nuggets going to absolutely change your life?

Maybe, if you’re on some sort of Netflix reality show where you’re on a quest to find flavored chicken nuggets and the prize is $5 million and a one year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics!

But if you’re looking for something to mindlessly eat while you spend your one wild and precious life cranking through season 2 of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, then these are just as good as anything else.

THINGS I LOVED THIS WEEK

• Ding ding, you know what time it is! The part where I promote my own book that I co-wrote with my pal Josh Linden! Tiny Pep Talks is still out in the world and available! Maybe you’d like it! Learn more here!

• My amazing friend Amelia recently brought me to the Tom Bishop Miniatures Show and it was everything I dreamed it would be and so much more.

• I am so into the absolute saltiest licorices I can find lately - the kind that make other people say “ew, Paula, no.” This one is so good, and they have a great one at Amy’s Candy Bar on Damen Ave. in Chicago too. (If you’re at Amy’s, they also make their own candy bars, if you’re more into delicious, sweet candy instead of mouth punishments.)

• I am so happy to be back after being in deadline zone (followed closely by “watching old seasons of Below Deck zone.”) I love you!