Review: Toaster Grills Cheeseburger Sandwich

Mankind’s greatest accomplishments are absolute dog sh** compared to Lily and her invention of frozen meals that you make in a toaster.

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Lily’s Toaster Grills Cheeseburger Sandwich

Confession time: I forgot to take a picture of the actual sandwich, but it looked kind of like this.

The Moon Landing. The Great Pyramids. The 2016 film “La La Land.” 

Mankind’s greatest accomplishments are absolute dog shit compared to Lily and her invention of frozen meals that you make in a toaster.

And cooking them could not be easier. Simply: 

1. Pop a frozen sandwich into the toaster 

2. Take a big bite

3. Realize it’s still frozen solid

4. Re-toast it 3 more times

5. Decide “mostly warm” is good enough, you’re not the queen

6. Voila! Lunch is ready!

Let’s dive in.

Taste: ⅘ 

I was once invited to a really fancy restaurant - the kind where they refer to the Chef in hushed tones, like he’s the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz instead of some pretentious middle aged Scorpio with a goatee.

As I sat there trying my best to act like I was enjoying my molecular gastronomy caviar air pocket (spoiler: I was not enjoying it), I realized that no food will ever beat the perfect combo of cheese and carbs.

This toaster cheeseburger sandwich is very good. 

Appearance: 4/5

You know that thing on 7th Grade Picture Day, where you’re sure you’re going to look just like a young Mischa Barton, and instead a picture of a chubby-cheeked, acne-covered pre-teen in butterfly clips comes back? 

That’s what the Toaster Grills sandwich is like. Sure, it’s not art! Fine, it’s not a food model! But it’s even better - it’s real. It’s unique. And it’s photo is going to sit on my mantle for many years. 

Overall - ⅘

Something about the act of putting a frozen meal in the toaster instead of the microwave makes me feel like a perfect 1950s housewife. A June Cleaver type, who sleeps in her pearls and calls her husband “Father” and doesn’t repeatedly drop the F-word in work zoom meetings. 

I mean, I’m not going to start cleaning my kitchen or anything but still. It’s fun to pretend. 

Bon appetit. 

Things I’ve liked this week!

• And Just Like That…I’m only going to be talking about Sex and the City again. Have you watched Episode 1 yet? I am…overwhelmed with feelings. (PS - yes, I sure have paired each SATC character with their Lean Cuisine equivalent.)

• This entire review of the world’s Worst Michelin Restaurant is *chef’s kiss* ART.

• Chicago friends! Sauced Market is happening Thursday and Friday of this week, and you should absolutely come by. It’s a free event with local makers and last month, they *also* had free drinks. We’ll be there with No Wrong Answers (the card game I co-created!) so come say hi! (I’ll only be at the Thursday show, but Josh will be there both days.)

  • (Now’s a good time to tell you that I’m going to Philadelphia for a wedding tomorrow and I could not - despite near constant Googling - find a tour given by a Ben Franklin impersonator.)