Review: Martha Stewart Beef and Cheddar Hand Pies
If you told me that it turns out there’s a 4th Hemsworth Brother and it’s a beef and cheddar hand pie, I’d believe you.
I love it when celebrities dive into the frozen food game.
Pioneer Woman has her line of frozen appetizers. Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville has a line of frozen seafood dishes that can only be described as “a punishment from the gods.” Christian Bale has a line of frozen pot pies debuting this fall. (That’s not true. But a frozen food reviewer can dream.)
And now Martha herself has entered the ring.
Martha Stewart Beef and Cheddar Hand Pies
Is there anything that Martha Stewart can’t do? Between her home goods line, her TV shows, and the fact that I heard she’s going to be boxing against Jake Paul on Pay-Per-View this weekend, you gotta admit - the woman is a powerhouse.
So of course when I found out she was launching a line of frozen meals, I immediately reached out to Martha’s team to see if I could be the first to try it.
...But they didn’t answer, so I had to wait until it hit Jewel-Osco, then go there and pay $8.99 for a box of Beef and Cheddar Hand Pies like a chump.
Let’s dive in.
As a frozen food reviewer, I eat a lot of things that others might refer to as “trash” and “inedible” and “why does it look so wet?”
So imagine my surprise - nay, my shock - when I dug into this beef and cheddar hand pie only to realize...I think this sucker legally qualifies as food! It certainly hits the 3 main points on the food pyramid at least - it’s good, it’s warm, it’s filled with cheese. (I made my own food pyramid.)
Also, sure, I do realize that “beef and cheddar hand pie” is just a snazzy European way of saying “cheeseburger in a pastry shell” but build a bridge and get over it, honey!
This beef and cheddar hand pie is stunning.
If you told me that it turns out there’s a 4th Hemsworth Brother and guess what, it’s a beef and cheddar hand pie, I’d be...well, surprised at first. (Australia is more known for its meat pies.)
But then I’d totally get it, because this thing should be a Marvel superhero.
Unfortunately, the beef and cheddar hand pie loses a point because Martha does break the two arbitrary rules I just made up for frozen meals - frozen meals should always be microwavable (this one’s 25 minutes in the oven) and they should always cost $2.
But all-in-all, if you ever find yourself in charge of a fancy event, like catering the Oscars, I’d definitely recommend you buy a few boxes of these and call it a success.
Things I’ve liked this week!
Deanna Ortiz, one of my best friends, is the host of Crushes, one of the best podcasts out there. You should listen! Right now!
I would cover absolutely everything in my house with Ithaca Lemon Beet Hummus if I could. (I got it at Whole Foods.) (Brag.) And I’m not just talking about covering all the food stuff - I mean the furniture. The Lamps. The doors. All of it.
Can I recommend spending hours digging through Facebook Marketplace? Is that considered a recommendation? Because it’s been…the main focus of my week. (Sidenote - on a scale of 1-1000…how much do I need a globe that opens up into a bar? Like, 400000%, right?)