Review: Lean Cuisine Cauli'Bowls Alfredo

Maybe the instructions forgot to include the part where you mix it with everything you have in the fridge to give it some sort of taste.

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Lean Cuisine Cauli’Bowls: Garlic Parmesan Alfredo 

Before I tried the new Lean Cuisine Cauli’Bowls, I had the same feeling about them as a 15 year old who has never been to Paris but still has a poster of the Eiffel Tower up in their room. I just intrinsically knew I was going to love it. 

And now that I have tried it, I feel like that same teen who finally did go to Paris...but it rained the whole time, all the locals made fun of their beret, and the whole city was out of croissants - disappointed, ashamed, and still a little enchanted by it all. Je suis sad!

Let’s dive in. 

Taste: 2.5/5 

Trying to describe this bowl of cauliflower “alfredo” is like asking your friend that spent the past year getting a little too into wine to describe the taste of “lukewarm tap water.” 

It tastes like a whole lot of sopping wet nothing. 

Maybe the instructions forgot to include the part where I’m supposed to mix it with absolutely everything in my refrigerator. Was I supposed to do that after venting the film?

Appearance: ⅗

This kinda looks like the picture on the box, in the same way that a 1997 Bead Blast Barbie that’s been dragged behind a semi truck for 40 miles still kinda looks like the one in the commercial. 

Sure, they’re not identical. And fine, you probably shouldn’t be surprised if you find some gravel lodged in both. But it resembles the original, at least!

Overall: ⅗

I think a big bag filled with Cauli’Bowls Garlic Parmesan Alfredo would be a great gift for the most boring person you know. 

I’m sure they would love to eat one of these while watching their favorite movie - a 7-hour YouTube video called “The DMV’s Greatest Hits, Pt. 2.” 

(Okay, but Pt. 1 kind of rules though.)

Things I’ve liked this week!

• My lovely, talented friend Sierra Carter wrote this very wonderful poem about Spotify Wrapped posts and I can’t stop thinking about it!

• I bought Crocs mid-Pandemic as shoes to wear on my sad little walks around the block and…long story short, I’m about thiiiis close to getting this faux-fur covered pair for “formal events".”

• If you live in Chicago and Sauced Market isn’t on your radar - you should get it on your radar, ASAP. It’s a free event with local makers and last month, they *also* had free drinks. No Wrong Answers (the card game I co-created!) has a booth at the upcoming December market, come by and say hi!