Review: Banquet French Toast Breakfast
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and your body just doesn’t care what kind of food it is.
Honestly, it’s incredible that I was able to pull together any semblance of thoughts that aren’t related to “And Just Like That…,” the “Sex and the City” reboot. (Specifically about the scene where a guy in a Chucky masks robs Miranda’s friend for TikTok. A MadLib come to life!)
Of course I wrote about which frozen meal the cringiest scenes are here. (Warning: There’s not so much “spoilers” as there is me “blatantly telling you what happened in excruciating detail.)
Anyway. Let’s Dive In (™).
Banquet Brown ‘N Serve French Toast Breakfast
There’s a lot y’all don’t know about me.
I have perfect pitch. I’m technically the fastest land mammal in existence. And also I graduated medical school - twice.
As such, I feel qualified to tell you the facts - breakfast is the most important meal of the day and your body doesn’t give a shit what kind of food it is, as long as it’s in before 11 am.
This microwave sausage and french toast for example. Sure, it’s 670 mg of sodium. Yeah, it’s slathered in sugar. Okay, fine, the sausage will still be edible 200 years from now. But as long as you eat it before lunchtime, it might as well be kale and carrots.
The human body is amazing.
Let’s dive in.
We gotta talk about the elephant in the room here - the syrup. Sorry, I mean the “maple flavored dipping sauce,” as it’s labeled on the box.
The fact that they can’t legally call it syrup really makes you wonder about the kind of power Big Syrup holds in this country.
Is that who’s really pulling the strings behind closed doors in Washington? Does Big Syrup actually have the 117th Congress wrapped around its sticky, sticky fingers? Is our democracy all just pawns in Big Syrup’s rise to the top of….capitalism…
Okay sorry I lost the thread there. Weird that they can’t just call it “maple-ish syrup” though, right?
I’m putting together the world’s greatest heist team and you’re all part of it.
Our mission? We break into the Louvre. We steal the Mona Lisa.
And we throw her in the garbage because its crap compared to the stunning beauty of this dish.
If you’re sick and tired of rising at dawn every morning to hand batter your French Toast and slaughter the hogs for the sausage and tap the nearest tree for some fresh Maple Flavored Dipping Sauce, then you might want to give this one a try.
I’d eat it again.
Things I’ve liked this week!
Ugly Selzter. It’s soda-flavored seltzer, occupying this strange limbo land between soda (the best) and water (the best for you). It doesn’t scratch either itch but, at the same time, I will drink 3000 cans.
No Wrong Answers, the conversation card game I co-created, is going on tour across Chicago restaurants and bars with our “Conversation Machine” - all to raise money for the Chicago Food Depository. Check out our schedule here!
Not to toot my own horn but, beep beep, I found the perfect White Elephant gift. Get ready to be wowed, coworkers!